It's taken me a long time to come to terms with who I am and what I am about, simply because of the maintenance of an open mind. I do not always have the strongest opinions nor do I feel they are always superior to others'. I listen to countless point of views of countless human beings; and with that I mold my own reality and beliefs. Observing others' behaviors and their applications to living life only help me further assess my own. When I am passionate about something, however, it takes immense effort, if not impossible, to change my attitude about whatever that something is.
And thus I am proud to say, I finally know what it means to be true to myself. Rather, I have a better idea at what I've been doing that has been true to me or not. Most people who have met me have told me they admire me for my honesty and carefree attitude- and I'm sure there are some who are annoyed with it or simply try to find little factors to denounce that title of "realness." Positive or negative, I am who I am and only love myself more for it. I'm sick of recounting certain events in my head and thinking I did not act "appropriately" or coming close to regret about, which, again I have to say, I fully do not support. Regret and jealousy are what I deem to be two of the most wasted emotions and energies an individual can exert in life.
Furthermore, I am able to admit that I'm crazy. Now, depending on what your view is, I can be fundamentally crazy with an ability to control it, or I can be your normal woman with crazy tendencies. Whatever it is, I'm not going to sit here and try to assure people that I'm not crazy. Thanks to my dating experience for this revelation. No, maybe I'm not your typically crazy chick who blows up your phone when you are not even committed to me, I don't throw shit fits over people cancelling plans and I don't go out of my way trying to "compete" with other females. When it comes to the dating game, I've been quite laid-back about it, which probably aided my success in conquering my past dates. I was one of the very, very few, if not ONLY, female these guys have met that they couldn't call "crazy." I'd have to agree, once I learned what a crazy woman was in their eyes.
I think I'm "crazy" in that "I don't care who sees or hears me do this" kind of way, and that self-deprecating way. I say I'm crazy because I certainly have my days where something gets to me more than it should, causing me to become more emotional than rational at times. But, I digress... because at the end of it all, I still stand level headed and more than anything, work hard to bring back my focus.
I think people need to come to terms about how crazy they are and how silly it may look at times.
Some seem often frustrated with me because I appear to have a cool head on my shoulders and can function marvelously under pressure. With that, it's hard for me to tell people, "I think you're just being crazy about this." So where do I go? I post a new blog.
I used to revel in the fact that I had no enemies or haters. Then I realized there was nothing about me to really hate on. This was at a time when I was adolescent, inexperienced, awkward and shy. Once upon a time, yes it's true, Candace had inhibitions. When I started coming to my senses, I realized I did have enemies and "haters," in the form of friends. Some called themselves "best friends." It's truly liberating all the while saddening when you realize some relationships did not work out or cannot go any further because of jealousy. Jealous of WHAT, you ask? I can only guess it may have something to do with having more confidence than the biggest celebrity, letting go of insecurities faster than a pop star going to perform on stage. I realized I was losing respect for certain people because of their inability to accept that I was doing what they wish they could do. And dear lord I do not mean to come off cocky as I'm just trying to recount some of my experiences and my theories on the subjects because it genuinely disheartens me. Of course there are people who have good, legit reasons to dislike me... but I haven't met them and if they don't have the balls to tell me to my face, I consider them trivial and a waste of time. Not that I would really consider it a life-threatening issue if I knew about them either.
I grew up around people telling me what I was and how I should be. Now that I want to make it into a profession is an entirely different story. I am passionate about my aspirations to become a great actress, and I am no longer held back by my past. I only use it as fuel now... and that is, perhaps what annoys these people the most. I'd like to think I'm extremely likable and that I really still don't have any enemies right now, but I am always going to be prepared for those who have nothing better to do than to try to be an obstacle.
I accept that I'm still learning. I don't seriously claim to know everything but I try to shed light on most subjects because I'm a quick learner and I'm quite insightful and analytical when you yourself have an open mind and ears. I'm not afraid to act like the ditz of the group nor am I afraid to ask "stupid questions." I am unafraid of being exactly who I am at this point in my life and will not apologize for it- not wholeheartedly, anyway, if it comes down to it. I form first impressions and short-lived judgments. Beliefs come into play once I really know about something- enough to have a strong opinion about it. Meanwhile, let me live like a human being as I let you.
I have not been in a more stable place than I am right now. I think it's because I finally went back to my artistic roots. Those who know me at my strongest, know that ain't nobody or nothin' gettin in the way of what I want.
With this I urge, urge, URGE you to please try and be real to yourself and those around you... as much as you can. If you don't know something, say so. If you don't like something, say so. I have too many friends whom I noticed are followers. Stand up and be a leader, do something without thinking someone will see it. Do it for yourself... seriously. Start living, man.
And thus I am proud to say, I finally know what it means to be true to myself. Rather, I have a better idea at what I've been doing that has been true to me or not. Most people who have met me have told me they admire me for my honesty and carefree attitude- and I'm sure there are some who are annoyed with it or simply try to find little factors to denounce that title of "realness." Positive or negative, I am who I am and only love myself more for it. I'm sick of recounting certain events in my head and thinking I did not act "appropriately" or coming close to regret about, which, again I have to say, I fully do not support. Regret and jealousy are what I deem to be two of the most wasted emotions and energies an individual can exert in life.
Furthermore, I am able to admit that I'm crazy. Now, depending on what your view is, I can be fundamentally crazy with an ability to control it, or I can be your normal woman with crazy tendencies. Whatever it is, I'm not going to sit here and try to assure people that I'm not crazy. Thanks to my dating experience for this revelation. No, maybe I'm not your typically crazy chick who blows up your phone when you are not even committed to me, I don't throw shit fits over people cancelling plans and I don't go out of my way trying to "compete" with other females. When it comes to the dating game, I've been quite laid-back about it, which probably aided my success in conquering my past dates. I was one of the very, very few, if not ONLY, female these guys have met that they couldn't call "crazy." I'd have to agree, once I learned what a crazy woman was in their eyes.
I think I'm "crazy" in that "I don't care who sees or hears me do this" kind of way, and that self-deprecating way. I say I'm crazy because I certainly have my days where something gets to me more than it should, causing me to become more emotional than rational at times. But, I digress... because at the end of it all, I still stand level headed and more than anything, work hard to bring back my focus.
I think people need to come to terms about how crazy they are and how silly it may look at times.
Some seem often frustrated with me because I appear to have a cool head on my shoulders and can function marvelously under pressure. With that, it's hard for me to tell people, "I think you're just being crazy about this." So where do I go? I post a new blog.
I used to revel in the fact that I had no enemies or haters. Then I realized there was nothing about me to really hate on. This was at a time when I was adolescent, inexperienced, awkward and shy. Once upon a time, yes it's true, Candace had inhibitions. When I started coming to my senses, I realized I did have enemies and "haters," in the form of friends. Some called themselves "best friends." It's truly liberating all the while saddening when you realize some relationships did not work out or cannot go any further because of jealousy. Jealous of WHAT, you ask? I can only guess it may have something to do with having more confidence than the biggest celebrity, letting go of insecurities faster than a pop star going to perform on stage. I realized I was losing respect for certain people because of their inability to accept that I was doing what they wish they could do. And dear lord I do not mean to come off cocky as I'm just trying to recount some of my experiences and my theories on the subjects because it genuinely disheartens me. Of course there are people who have good, legit reasons to dislike me... but I haven't met them and if they don't have the balls to tell me to my face, I consider them trivial and a waste of time. Not that I would really consider it a life-threatening issue if I knew about them either.
I grew up around people telling me what I was and how I should be. Now that I want to make it into a profession is an entirely different story. I am passionate about my aspirations to become a great actress, and I am no longer held back by my past. I only use it as fuel now... and that is, perhaps what annoys these people the most. I'd like to think I'm extremely likable and that I really still don't have any enemies right now, but I am always going to be prepared for those who have nothing better to do than to try to be an obstacle.
I accept that I'm still learning. I don't seriously claim to know everything but I try to shed light on most subjects because I'm a quick learner and I'm quite insightful and analytical when you yourself have an open mind and ears. I'm not afraid to act like the ditz of the group nor am I afraid to ask "stupid questions." I am unafraid of being exactly who I am at this point in my life and will not apologize for it- not wholeheartedly, anyway, if it comes down to it. I form first impressions and short-lived judgments. Beliefs come into play once I really know about something- enough to have a strong opinion about it. Meanwhile, let me live like a human being as I let you.
I have not been in a more stable place than I am right now. I think it's because I finally went back to my artistic roots. Those who know me at my strongest, know that ain't nobody or nothin' gettin in the way of what I want.
With this I urge, urge, URGE you to please try and be real to yourself and those around you... as much as you can. If you don't know something, say so. If you don't like something, say so. I have too many friends whom I noticed are followers. Stand up and be a leader, do something without thinking someone will see it. Do it for yourself... seriously. Start living, man.
2 comments:
i am SO very proud of you. i think the word "inspiration" can sometimes be totally cheesey and cliche, but you really do grow in my respect for you and push me to accomplish more too. couldn't ask for a better friend!
Baby, I am so happy that you are doing what you love. I will be with you 1000% behind anything that you may do. Sometimes you might run in to obstacles let them pass you by but leap over them and move on to the next. You are not crazy in what you are doing. You have an immense drive and I want to see you stick with it. When it comes down to the end of the night no matter what you still are a star no matter where you are in my book.
Thank you for being the best!
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